The Next Step

Last night was the conclusion of SubUrbia. I cannot believe it has come to a close so quickly - very bittersweet. As that chapter closes, I find myself reminiscing in the fond memories I've created with the cast, crew and directors. They will be surely missed. I hate goodbyes, so it isn't a "Goodbye" only "See you later." On to the next project - Legally Blonde! 

I have to say that today I feel content, a feeling I try to continue having, because, to me, this is true happiness. Internal peace with what the present holds. We can control only one thing, and that's the present, so I'm here embracing every moment of it. 

Looking back on this year, I'm amazed at what I've gone through in such a short amount of time. This year has truly been a test of my faith in my ability to plow through the wreckage. From beginning the year with no hope, the idea of what I was going to possibly do about work, a place to live, and waiting for a year to pass to return to RIC seemed so insufferable. Now, seven months later - I can't believe I'm saying that - I've made it through. Personally, I've grown-up so much. Between truly finding myself - which is a continuing project in some ways - and becoming more independent, and being okay with it, which has always been a struggle for me, I've found a groove that won't be tampered with. I'm on fire, and I'm ready to tackle my return to RIC. Let's do this! Four months left. 

Peace of Mind

I watched Eat Pray Love today for probably the tenth time. I am in love with this movie - a lot like how obsessed I am with Harry Potter, but more of that on a later date. Anyhoodles, the reason for choosing V Day - for those of you who don't know, this is a holiday that no one knows about except those known as Rhode Islanders - to watch this movie was due to a conversation I had last night with my friend, Amberlee Perry. We discussed politics, life, spiritual growth and practice, and the meaning of understanding fundamental truth.

Although I've known Amberlee for a brief period of time, I feel that our friendship blossomed last night into something much more than just a platonic and mediocre relationship. I would say, without a doubt, that this relationship is something we both can cultivate from. I look forward to continual heart-to-heart conversations with her in the future. Thank you, Amberlee, for being in my life, because you continue to teach me just as much as I teach you.

Today has been a mundane type of day for me. I'm being productive, though... or at least trying to be. I'm about to continue reading an autobiography by a profound man by the name of Howard Jacobson. He has, and will always be, an inspiration. This man is the epitome of what it means to be successful in the correct and healthy way. "Success is found within." - I read that once somewhere, and I loved it. Another saying, that I came up with, that really describes this man, is the simple philosophy that "It's not what happens to you, but what you do with what happens that makes the difference." In other words, "Being proactive, instead of reactive." - I can't take credit for that one. Howard expressed this phrase, and I loved it, too.

Since we are on the topic of profound people, I must give a shout out to one of my best friends, Robert Anthony, because he deserves some recognition. I would not be here today if it weren't for him, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. He has stuck by me through rock bottom, and for that I'm eternally grateful for his generosity, compassion, and patience with me. Thank you, Robert! I look forward to our New York shenanigans in October.

In light of mentioning Eat Pray Love, I felt that I should quote a monologue from the movie that is tremendously moving, so here it is!:

"A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It's called the Augusteum Octavian. Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it a long with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome's first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins. It's one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won't let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked around at this place, at the chaos it has endured - the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic, it's just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation." - Liz Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

Contentment

Today is a day to reminisce in feeling accomplished. I have a plethora of projects that I am working on, but for this moment I'm content. Things are beginning to turn around, mold themselves into something magnificent, and take shape. I'm truly looking forward to the next few months, as I embark on the journey to finish this year.

I cannot believe 2012 is dwindling to an end, and I find myself not trapped, not angry, not disappointed, but simply appeased by my tenacity. Although things have been excruciatingly hard for me in the past year, I have nothing to say in lieu of those events except that I'm grateful for them, because without pain, without suffering and heartache, without knowing who you are and not being insecure, I would not be in the place I am currently at. God knows and is apart of me. I thank him everyday of my life - or at least try to - and I have to remember that I'm on a path that's been set for me. I will enjoy this journey, or at least make the best of it. I know what my calling is, so Ben, let's take it for what it's worth!

I have to remember what this feels like, because this is how life should be lived. Each day counts. Not tomorrow, or the next day. And definitely not yesterday, or even last year. Today. That is all you have control over, so embrace it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

SubUrbia opens in a week from Friday and it's hard to believe - it feels like just yesterday when we began rehearsals. I've had such an amazing run with these folks. I hate to see it end. I've grown closer with each person in the cast and they feel like family to me. I will miss them when it's time to say goodbye, that's the negative thing about theatre... Thank you for everything guys. It's partially because of all of you that I feel so accomplished today. I've grown so much as an actor and person, too, with you guys, and I feel you all deserve some recognition for that. So thanks - for everything. Come see SubUrbia! It's an amazing show with such an unbelievably talented cast, directed by a talented actor himself. You don't want to miss this!